/b/ - Siberia

if I was a bear I would eat salmon

fly in da sky n shieet

Find a human and bite them

Hopefully get shot dead quickly.
Nature looks like shit. Being a pet would be shit, and people are way crueler than they publicly let on. Plants and fungi and protists and maybe bacteria are the only things which look maybe OK, but plants and fungi are constantly having to stand there and get torn the fuck apart by way faster life forms. This world is an abomination, and death is the only temporary relief.

I would probably drag my ass across the carpet

eat, sleep, maybe fuck, that sort of thing