>>1194yeah basically, and honestly its the worst feeling there is for me, like just treading water. It instantly makes life meaningless when you're just living to live, but sometimes thats all ur circumstances allow for. Fucking sucks.
how i deal with it, friend: random acts of stupid willfulness basically. Get some hobby and make yourself work towards gitting good at it whenever you can. Get impaired at work. Get the supplies to camp/nomad and go on a lil trip. I think the only way to keep your soul is to remind yourself that the world hasnt totally broken you yet and give yourself "muscle memory" for things other than routine or what you're supposed to do. The thing that solidified my anarchism when i was younger was running away from home, but just because of how willful of an act it was. It reminded my soul that i still could choose for myself and change my own life