Hey, sorry to hear you're going through this. I kinda know the feeling of being both very dedicated to the cause of a better world, but also disheartened and feeling like the world, my personal life and mental health were deteriorating.
I'll try to make this as compressive and short as possible, starting with the big picture and ending with the fine practical details.
Honestly, the best solution to some degree is a change. A change of scenery. America/Muh Britain is a mental health nightmare, and there is a vast spiritual poverty that comes with the material wealth.
But other changes would probably help, especially if they went along with a change of scenery.
>You mentioned philosophy.
Stoicism is ok, but I find the flatline of emotion pretty deadening as well. Obviously, the opposite, moving whichever way whim and emotional dictate, isn't the answer either.
I know it's cheesy, but a sort of optimism and growth mindset is incredibly important: acting in a way that assumes things we encounter are opportunities for overcoming rather than roadblocks or obstructions, embracing challenge to become better or more refined in whicher direction you decide.
Having a purpose and meaning is hugely important, but we overlook that facing change and difficulty is a key part of purpose and meaning, since it gives purpose and meaning something to be tested against.
On one hand, people on the far left (communists and anarchists) start out with a strong purpose and meaning. But their purpose and meaning is so pie in the sky (total rearrangement of everything under heaven, so to speak) that they naturally grow disillusioned.
On the other hand, the modern world sort of broadly robs people of the opportunity for meaningful struggle. Traditional value systems that everyone sort of believed in became uprooted, yet everything has become domesticated and safety regulated, all while arenas of competition grew to a global scale and thus opportunities for even minor success shrank. This kinda represents the social kindling of the widespread existential crisis today.
So what to do about it. You mentioned absurdism as a wet fart. I agree when it's a sad internet meme. Victor Frankl certainly disagreed with Camus all around.
But if life is meaningless and the task is to simply enjoy it, it begs the question of what sort of preconditions would make this possible. What would you have to actually do to enjoy the meaningless unending suffering of life? What kind of life would you need? And what sort of person would you need to become?
The simple answer is feeling victorious, i.e., creating and confronting various challenges and walking away feeling victorious rather than defeated. That is to say pursuing, to some degree, a feeling of accomplishment. It could be for anything - gaining skills is a wonderful one, so long as it's something that interests and tests you physically or intellectually. Similarly, as important as a to-do list, is a to-be. What sort of person, quality wise, would you be happy and feeling accomplished as. Artful? Descisive? Empathetic? Strong? Etc. It's sometimes worth making that list and working off that.
You can pick values and more importantly goals that reflect them.
One of the things that's so toxic about blackpillers is that they believe the most disempowering bullshit ever. They think their fate is sealed and they will only be met with negative outcomes with women. Even most guys, being raised as fags - constantly seek permission. In reality, it much more better, to assume things will go right and just being sensitive to avoiding creating red light situations. (Then refine later) Of course, it helps if you are 'set up' with a decent physique (attainable) and better than average hygiene.
Now apply this to life in general. Regardless of 'the muhreality of meaninglessness, it's simply better and more advantageous even to apply that latter white pill mentality to everything.
Of course, you have to start small. (From lower form to higher, if you want to be spregy Marxist about it) Your challenges/goals here shouldn't be something too unrealistic or grandiose, but it can be supported by values and transcendent goals. They should be personal, something you can manage to effect and see demonstrable outcomes in your own life and character. Learning something ranging from coding to boxing, improving a pet project like a website (hint hint), getting jacked and juicy, or fucking a bunch of qts - whatever rocks you boat. But to that end, stacking small mental 'wins' and taking that growth mindset can go a long way into feeling better generally.
It's Peterson-esque, but there is truth to bio chemistry and the the social serotonin response, which is associated with a general sense of well being. An easy way to 'hack' this is a practice of gratitude (consciously naming 3 things you're grateful for, usually in the morning or evening). It literally takes 10 seconds every day but is pretty powerful.
Like a mentioned, scenery something's needs changed. Sometimes that includes people who are mentally or otherwise pulling us down into a crab bucket. Distance yourself from them asap and obviously.
Plants. Indoor in pollution is real. Plants are a cheap solution which have also been shown in studies to improve mood.
Finally, there's a basic physiological aspect of mental health. Sleep is a big one. Obviously, sometimes you have to grind, but it's hard to maintain sanity outside of your 20s on 6 hours of sleep every day.
There are several vitamins and nutrients that are associated with mood and mental health. Some that come to mind are vitamin d, vitamin c, zinc and folate. If you're plant based, it's necessary necessary to get B12. Carnitine and creatine probably wouldn't hurt either. Obviously, reduce/excise fast food and most processed food if possible. Seed oils and mystery margarine are kinda gross. Olive, coconut are my go to.
Personally, I think exercise is hugely important. I'd be depressed if I was fat and wasn't exercising. In that case, in a way, maybe the depression is trying to tell you something. Don't underestimate the physical mind body connection when it comes to mental health. Luckily, it's also nearly impossible to 'feel depressed ' 3/4 the way through a 10k jog.
I hope that kinda helps.
Finally, given all of the above, I think there's also an egotist argument for why you shouldn't kill yourself. If that happens after this effortpost, it would mean I wasted my time and failed.