/hobby/ - Hobby

>>6676
he's asking for useful works, lad.

>>6675
I feel like if you're approaching attracting women as something that needs a 'strategy' then you're getting off on the wrong foot from day one, you should try to become an attractive (in the personality sense) person that both men and women naturally want to be around.

>>6688
>you should try to become an attractive (in the personality sense) person that both men and women naturally want to be around.
This is the well intentioned but meaningless advice these sorts of texts are intended to cover.

Those with the 'tism literally require step-by-step instructions until they acquire enough mental flow charts that they can mentally alt-tab through in life.

>>6675
Unironically the Mystery Method. There's also some good tidbits in Malcolm Gladwell's books, especially Outliers, even though he's a neolib cocksucker. Steve Chandler's 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself.

>>6708
>Mystery Method
bruh

>>6696
Did you ever go to college? I ask this because I feel like the jump from high school to college or other similiar experiences where young people have some level independence and are thrust into a social situation can just break people out of some autistic habits. In high school I never talked to girls and I mean I wasn't like depressed about it I just figured they'd not want to talk to me but when I put into a college-esque new environment I learned that it was just like talking with the buds so long as shes cool. Suddenly I was confronted with possible relationships that I didn't even want and had to figure out how not to hurt girls' feelings. I've never read these books so idk there may be some insight they provide but also I do think there is something to what >>6688 said.

>>6832
I was honestly better in HS, like, okay, I actually date pretty regularly in college and I only dated at the very end of HS, but when I was a teen so many girls had crushes on me that I turned down; now I feel like a fool because I basically just get lucky, still fumble around, and still can’t keep a girl longer than for about three months at best.

>>6832
Unless you're a commuter student.

>>6832
tfw went into an apprenticeship instead and am only good at workplace banter

>>6675
Relationships are hard, men. I can tell you that dating, being married, and getting back to dating isn't easy at all. All relationships require work, but here's one word of advice so that you don't end up hurt: have some self-respect. No woman is going to make you happy, and while I won't go full red-pill on you, there is something to be said about taking a break and working on you for you, and not for what women will see in you. After my marriage fell apart, I was a bit lonely, but through conscious effort of rejecting relationships (because it's too soon, not because I hate women) and working on what I wanted, I think this shit really does work.
Short-term MGTOW can be therapeutic, and I think this applies to women as well. If you only ever get your validation from the opposite sex, you're never going to make it. We've all seen it in women too, the girl that can't go a week from a breakup to a new guy, or the guy that relentlessly browses tinder, and can't not fuck someone, no matter how below his standards that girl might be.
Now, if you just want to meet women, or you want to be more attractive here's a tip: be yourself, but not just you right now, be the best version of yourself. Every day when you get up in the morning think: How can I climb another rung on the ladder of excellence?
Do you have a shit job? Do your best at it and take pride in your work for you, even though it will likely go unnoticed. Do it because it's good for you. Eat right, and dress the way you want to see yourself. Don't follow the trends, but don't be a slob. Work on your body, your mind, and try to be what you've always imagined yourself to be as the perfect individual.
Can't hit the gym? You have a floor. Start pushing, squatting, and find places to perform pull-ups. Stop eating nasty shit, and start cooking. I too work long hours, but I batch-cook and eat my lonely lunch. It may not be gourmet stuff, but it's healthy and filling.
More than anything, lean into your hobbies. If you like anime and manga, guess what, loser? Go to conventions and join gay ass clubs. You like cars? Go to car shows. Make friends with everyone you meet if you can. Be polite to everyone you meet, and practice the shitty chivalry that your parents taught you. Yes, it's outdated, but it goes a long way, especially if you expect nothing in return. That is also important. Do not expect to be rewarded in your actions other than knowing that this is you doing these actions. Self-fulfillment can be gained just from knowing you're a fit, smart, well-rounded gentleman. You will also be more confident, and finally: play the numbers game.
Yes, this is going to sound really "pick-up-artist" type shit, but it's true. There's no reason you can't hit on every woman you meet, even the homelier-looking ones. Do it in a gentle fashion, like you're just joking around, and don't worry if they never say anything back. You'll build a reputation for being that dude. Will some women find you annoying and creepy? Yes. Tons of women hate me, but lots of others have decided to get in my bed. I'm not a stud by any means. I'm okay-looking and I'm of below-average height. However, I have a good job, dress well, and am pretty fit. You'll screw this up a lot when you're starting out, but it gets easier as you get older. When you're young girls just want the best-looking guys, but some will go out with you even then. More mature women (25 and up) know what they want, and if you're reasonably good-looking, have manners, and present the best version of yourself, almost none of them will find you creepy (not that you should care anyway). I've experienced dating as a young man, and as an older man, and while I haven't hit 30 yet, I can say it is a world of difference. Also, if you like younger gals, that's cool too. Lots of them like older dudes, just keep it legal.
Just have fun. Dating is meant to be fun, not stressful. If you're finding it stressful, then take a break. Nothing wrong with not getting laid. I've gone without sex for months on end, and it never bothered me. There's always porn and if you're really desperate there's girls that are willing to get paid to play with your junk. Just don't get your personal validation from them.
Now, for the idiots in relationships. Work at it. That's all I have to say. Be open and communicative with your significant other, and something makes you uncomfortable talk it out. If you perceive your girl is uncomfortable, but she won't say, get her to talk to you in a non-comfrontative manner. This is what I fucked up. I took her words at face value. Shouldn't have done that, but I still would have made an exit, just a bit sooner. Remember no person is ever going to love you more than you love yourself. So love yourself a lot. Don't let her walk all over you for the sake of the relationship. Nobody likes a pushover. Draw lines in the sand before you get into a relationship, and if the line is crossed, then this relationship is over. Make sure these are your must haves, though. If your girlfriend doesn't like you watching Boku no Pico on the big screen with her parents over, then maybe just watch it on your phone with headphones on. However, if your gf wants to have gangbangs in the house and you're the jealous type, then tell her to fuck off. If you're both into that, then that's cool, but have some self-respect and don't lie to yourself. Lots of leftist dudes make this mistake. Having come from a traditional household and finding socialism later in life has made this a non-issue for me, but you guys shouldn't bend your personal life to fit your aspirational politics. If something makes you feel sick, then it's probably best you don't do it. Don't cuck out, is basically what I'm saying. At the same time, don't be a control freak, and don't get super jealous over small shit. If you feel too suspicious, or too uncomfortable, then just exit that relationship. That's not going to do you any favors. That being said, if you do get cheated on, chances are you're not going to get cheated on again. The signs are pretty obvious in retrospect and you'll feel it in your gut. There's plenty of women out there for you and anyone else willing to try. No she won't be your perfect socialist anime waifu, but a real person beats porn any day of the week, and girls with nice personalities but homely faces are better than girls with shit personalities and knockout bodies. Though if you can bang the latter, then go for it. Just have a pull-out strategy.
Finally, remember to be a gentleman. Don't rape women. Shouldn't have to say this, but some guys can't take an obvious "No" for an answer. Now, denial and playing hard to get is a real thing, but don't be so autistic that you can't take a hint, and if you are autistic, then I can't help you because I'm not a therapist. Talk to a therapist, maybe. Anyway, happy hunting, and I hope all of you get a Tania to your Che.

Has anyone here actually had sex?

Aight so I'm a fag and have no problems in the dating scene (I feel for you str8s I really do) but I have a lot of experience with both women and dudes either being them, dating them or helping them through their relationship issues because apparently the gays are easy to talk to about that shit idk.

>>7811 this covers a lot of good points.

+ Being somebody worth dating:
-treat yourself with respect- make your bed and shit (no lie it really helps), don't feed yourself trash, try to maintain some regular physical activity even if you can't make it to the gym, take some time to check in about your mental health, clean your house and bathroom once in a while, get some basic clothes you can wear to a casual date - even some decent fitting pants/jeans and a solid color tee can go a long way.

-Have hobbies and interests- definitely lean into the stuff you enjoy, the caveat being there is such thing as too far- if your passion is idk funko pop or niche 90s hentai you might want to table that for a bit and explore some other activities/interests to branch out. Also personally hobbies that exclusively center consumption (eg watching shit tons of a series, collecting stuff) are less attractive than hobbies with output like creative pursuits, sports/activites, community events, etc. Also some communities have really toxic attitudes and may actively fuck with your dating prospects and you as a person- some gaming communities and mainstream standup comedy are examples where I've seen this happen.

- Have goals or plans - something I hear a lot from women esp re dudes in the 30s range is lack of direction - dudes who are nice but just watching marvel movies all day with some deadend job and no outside interests. Figure out where you'd like to be in 2, 5 etc years and don't let life happen around you.

+ Meeting People: (social distancing is a bitch rn but these are general tips)
- Yes you have to leave the house. go get a drink with your coworkers/ roommates, find some event or meetup around some interest you have and go there, take a class, go to a political rally idfk. This serves purposes of developing your interests, working on social skills, actual factual interacting with people you want to date, or just making friends who may lead to friends of friends you want to date.

- Examine your standards. Don't hold out for someone fitting a standard you yourself would not meet. Women are whole people with interests and experiences and bad and good days- not fantasy waifus. Plus practice socializing is good and if you can make friends maybe you can meet someone through them.

Yeah you have to talk to them. This is definitely nerve wracking, there's no silver bullet and you are likely to flop a good deal. Some tips tho:
-Having 1+ friends (especially if they are female or gay) is helpful - it is a signal that you probably aren't an axe murderer and can be good motivation/social lubricant - a bartender, staff etc you are friendly with can also be a good friend alternative.
-Shoot for context-informed, open conversation - just saying things like "hey I like your shirt" is nice but doesn't really invite further discussing, conversely make sure that context-informed doesn't become "an opportunity to assert my mastery of this niche topic" - nobody wants to hear you opine about how you know all the esoteric secrete b tape recordings of some indie rock band- even if they are wearing the band shirt. It's also okay to just say "hey, I saw you and you looked like you were an interesting person so I figured I'd introduce myself - how are you liking [insert context here]".
-LISTEN MOTHERFUCKER, listen to what they are saying and let that inform the conversation. If they talk about an interest or topic ask them about it, ask about hobbies/interests, if you are in school major is an easy one. Listen more than 50% of the time - you are likely talking more than you think.
-More heated topics like politics, religion etc can get the other party engaged but is also risky- probe with easier stuff first - eg ask about a popular lefty event/protest rather than getting into deep ML theory.
-Be willing to back off. Some women are responsive to aggressive pickup shit but most people I know find it a turn-off. Let the conversation fade and then pick it back up later if you can. Additionally backing off when appropriate can increase other chances for future interaction - I've seen women totally change their minds about dudes who respectfully back off, you can say hi when you see her in the future, and pressing hard can make you seem desperate.

- Continuing contact - if you have successfully had a positive conversation then you need to take the next step to make a connection. Casual methods could be "oh I can lend you that book" or "my friends are seeing this thing if you want to come" - I think asking about a specific activity, even if it's just "getting coffee" is a better bet than "a date" - if you don't have anything in mind you can try just asking for a way to contact them via social media or text.

- Not everything will work out; DO NOT deprecate yourself or the other person if you fall flat. Shit's a learning experience- take a break, learn from mistakes, try again another time.

+ Dating and rElAtIoNsHiPs:
- Moving from casual interaction to dating shouldn't be rushed but also shouldn't wallow eventually you may have to be direct: "Hey I've enjoyed hanging out with you lately, I wanted to invite you to [more explicitly romantic activity]" sometimes it works out- sometimes it doesn't. I don't want to hear any fucking bullshit about the fRiEnD zOnE - congrats you have a friend- maybe they can help wingman you to meet someone else.

- Dont stop doing any of the steps that make you worth dating. Respect yourself - don't compromise on core values, don't give up your friends or interests. Keep your health, mental health, goals etc going. Also dont make your partner take care of you- a fucking common as hell problem I see in straight relationships is this "girlfriend-as-new-mom" caretaker pipeline- it kills new relationships, sex drives, marriages etc.

- Be intentional and present. Make time for your partner, do something they like, figure out what kinds of gestures make them happy, it might feel kind of arbitrary sometimes but everyone wants to feel like someone cares about them. Relationships take work - don't put it on autopilot.

- COMMUNICATE. No fucking games, be honest with eachother. Check in if things feel off. Talk about boundaries and yall's relationship. If they are upset make yourself available to confide in. DONT play devils advocate, offer unsolicited advice when they just need some comfort or feel the need to be "right" all the time (newsflash ur gonna be wrong a lot of the time too) - if it's not important to say and it will make them feel bad then keep it to yourself. Don't let communication be the end- work on your problems, reflect on issues, try and be a better person.

- Be vulnerable - it's not a competition to see who can play hardest to get - that shits the road to toxic-city. Stay true to your values and communication and if it doesn't work out then you will likely still be coming out a more experienced and date-able person than you were before. Reflect on what didn't work and how you can get better and/or avoid pitfalls/red flags in the future.

guess I wrote a small essay - hope it gets somebody laid and/or in a healthy, loving relationship.

>>6832
This is the thing I regret the most about not having gone to university. I have a friend who's in his third year and he's such a normie, I'm so jealous. He has a girlfriend he loves and does regular activities with different people. Meanwhile I'm working with people 10-20 years older than me who I have nothing in common with and who I can't relate to. And to top it off 99% percent of them are male, plus we work shifts so it's pretty hard to go grab a beer after work.

>>7811
>No she won't be your perfect socialist anime waifu, but a real person beats porn any day of the week, and girls with nice personalities but homely faces are better than girls with shit personalities and knockout bodies.
>Though if you can bang the latter, then go for it. Just have a pull-out strategy.
TopKEK

>>7839
My workplace was also a total dead zone for friendship / dating prospects (dating coworkers is a bad plan anyway)- but I had friends in food service and bartending so I would hang out at their work with their coworkers and that got me some friends and dates

>>7839
Going to college isn't really a guaranteed path to getting a vibrant social life unless you're already pretty extroverted. I started last year (this upcoming semester is my third but it's remote so I certainly won't be making any friends this year) and I was friendly with some people but never made any friends that I hung out with. All I ever did between classes was sit by myself and watch the normies enjoy themselves and seethe quietly in my head. Plus as i said above, i commute. I did "study" with one girl in my history class (and by study I mean basically wrote an outline of an essay for her because she was too retarded to do it herself), and a few people asked for my Snapchat (all since blocked and deleted since they never contacted me and i was sick of seeing their normie lives), but otherwise I was utterly alone. At least I got good exercise walking around campus for hours on end.

I'm kind of glad the shutdown happened when it did because in the last couple of weeks my bitterness at everyone was starting to bubble to the surface, which was obviously counterproductive but after enduring six months of being mostly alone in a shitty school I didn't really give a fuck anymore.

>>7864
This is the loser inside talking. Everyone has interests, so lean into them. Everyone can figure out a carreer path and at least attempt to stick to it. If you aren't doing this, then you're just a lazy asshole. Being a socialist doesn't mean you get to stop living in capitalism. Is it a fucked up system? Yes, but you need to make the attempt. You're always going to be a loser if your main plan is to wait for socialism to fix everything. Protip: That shit ain't happening any time soon.
So work on yourself and go for what you can. You don't have to make a lot of money, just don't work at McDs for the rest of your life because you didn't want to think about it.

>>7865
>If you aren't doing this, then you're just a lazy asshole
You don't know me or my circumstances, so fuck off. My education growing up was fucked for reasons out of my control, so now I'm 21 and have no clue about what to do with myself and i'm just wasting away in community college.

And I wasn't even using capitalism as an excuse or whatever, but if we're going this route you really sound more like one of those bullshit self-improvement bronze age fitness narcissists on twitter more than anything.

>>7867
Not the same anon, but if you don't have a clue just pick something mildly interesting with some demand and stick with it. Sooner or later you will get more experience and better conditions.
>>7862
At least you get a fresh start and plenty of opportunities to interact with your peers.
I didn't usually hang out with classmates outside class or school activities at my high school (I was kind of a newcomer) but at least I could talk and have fun with them. It's probably because of how management treats their employees but my workplace is full of fascist envious burnouts who just want people around them to fail like they did, and for whom any oportunity is good to spew their hateful nonsense.

>>7867
>growing up was fucked for reasons out of my control, so now I'm 21 and have no clue about what to do with myself and i'm just wasting away in community college.
Then figure it out. You are in shit circumstances, but the fact that you're going to any college at all means you can get an associates, or other degree. You aren't retarded.
>but if we're going this route you really sound more like one of those bullshit self-improvement bronze age fitness narcissists on twitter more than anything.
Believe it or not, self-improvement shit actually has something to it. I'm an avid reader of this material, and though I know it isn't a solution to a deeper problem, I don't post on bunkerchan about how nothing can ever possibly get better.
This is like incels complaining about showering and going to the gym when they don't shower or go to the gym to begin with. Yeah, it won't fix every issue, but start there.