I don't consider it to be bad experience I had my fair share of fun and comfy times, but as time progresses I am losing something important
lots of people I used to interact and have fun with are gone, maybe they grew up and found life
many accounts I created have been just laying around aimlessly and they feel more like a burden on my consciousness that I want to get rid of but I can't cause they encompass some important pieces of memories from my past self
I want to delete all of my tens of thousands of anime and meme images spread around my countless internet accounts and personalities because they feel like a deadweight on my brain making me slow and filled to the brim with useless information that makes me dull, but for some reason I can't do that
many group chats and servers are filled with new people who still have that youthful vigor and carelessness in them but I feel like I am getting too old to participate in their games anymore, and anons my age are getting increasingly more political and boring,
the feeling that I should finally delete my internet personality for good and finally do something with the real me is growing ever so worryingly, and I am starting to feel a little anxious over it
but I can't do that cause that's all that I am - an internet shadow lurking around and watching what other people do with their lives while I just archive data inside my mind
I would like to become a historian and work with archives locked inside a room filled with papers and books, but I don't think that's ever going to happen
I'd also want to delete some unpleasant stuff I did during my journey through the internet but I guess some things are just there forever, oh well
the more comfortable and not toxic parts of the internet are being covered under layers of useless momentary anger and political discourse that was close to absent when I was just starting my journey
maybe it's just my mind, tricking me into believing that the grass was greener in the past, or maybe it is actually the truth, it doesn't matter anyway
I guess my biggest mistake was thinking that I can combine two and more lives and not damage my mental abilities and/or moral compass, now I feel like I am a half-man in every field and aspect. I should've been smarter, but I guess I never really was.
it's okay though, things could've been way worse, I just wish I could have that sense of tranquility more often, but I guess choosing the intern
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