take it as liberating
no one will remember you being a retard either
you get to live a whole life, without any historical responsibility
also, suffering is a state of mind. listen to anon saying to read buddha. get out of the reactive mindset, and get into a mindset of agency and choosing what you want to do. Even if you're suffering, you'll be suffering for reasons you can comprehend. And always remind urself that you could kill yourself at any time. Give yourself that way out. But more often than not, you'll realize that you aren't suffering bad enough right now, or your suffering will alleviate some so why not just wait, etc.
The biggest thing though really is take charge of your life, and stop making excuses if you do that, like about how capitalism is unable to be overcome, or anything like that. Look at how your life is materially, imagine all possibilities. Where can you gain more freedom? What is the furthest you could go?
The fear of death usually indicates in my experience, that you're not living life right. If you're living life, then you don't fear death. The problem is that you're already dead, and it's all you know. Start from yourself, look at the world with new eyes, think about what you want to do, and then take your life back. When you're on the right road again, there's no reason to fear death, because you're already doing as good as you can do, so if there's death fated for you it's pointless to fight it because there's no better life in fighting it.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuJ-TOZuyzI